


Life Starts Now

by Chris_White



Series: Raven [3]
Category: Kagaku Ninja Tai Gatchaman & Related Fandoms, Kagaku Ninja Tai Gatchaman | Science Ninja Team Gatchaman
Genre: F/M, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-29
Updated: 2013-01-28
Packaged: 2017-11-27 09:03:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/660197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chris_White/pseuds/Chris_White
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ken's greatest pain is his secret. That is, until he has to make a decision that nearly destroys him. Will he ever forgive himself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ken considered skipping the Snack J. Did he really need to repeat the usual pain? He didn't want to be alone, though. It was a mistake, but he still opened the door, stepping inside. 

"Hey, Ken!" Jun smiled brightly, her gaze sweeping over him as only a trained ninja's could.

He saw her take in the lack of card, candies, or flowers in the span of a glance. Her smile dimmed, and he hated himself for being the reason. "Hey, Jun."

"So," she said with a forced casualness, "any plans?"

Drinking himself stupid? No, of all days, Ken knew that would end in disaster. Wrapping himself in his cowardice, he continued the lie. "Not really. _Should_ I have plans?"

"Apparently not." Jun dried a glass viciously. He was surprised it didn't snap or shatter. 

The bell rang as someone came in. Ken knew who it was without turning, unsure whether he'd heard that deep voice from outside, or just the particular way Joe opened the door. A moment later, Ken smelled Joe's cologne, masculine and sporty. 

"Well don't _you_ look nice," said Jun, her tone a bit overly enthusiastic. 

Joe sat next to him. He did look nice, he'd dressed up for the occasion. When Jun turned to get him a drink, Ken ignored the elbow jabbing his side, and Joe's sharp look. Yes, he knew he was an ass. No, it wasn't for the reason they all thought.

"So who's the lucky girl?" Jun set Joe's drink out in a flourish.

"You don't know her." Joe took a swig, smirking as Jun slammed a glass of tap water in front of Ken.

Closing his eyes, Ken breathed in the hated cologne. Joe always had a date for Valentine's, and he always wore cologne for his dates. As far as Ken was concerned, though, Joe always smelled best fresh off the track. The heady mix of high octane and adrenaline screamed Joe like nothing else.

"Where are you taking her?" 

Ken kept his eyes closed. He knew the drill. Each question, she'd flick a glance as sharp as any shuriken at him. Every answer, Joe would do the same.

"Little Italian place. Then maybe back to my trailer."

Cue Joe's rakish grin. Ken's stomach hopped the tilt-a-whirl, on the upswing getting butterflies, then dropping down. That look would never be for him.

"Where she'll try to kill him!" Jinpei's footsteps suddenly scrambled. Without looking, Ken could picture Jun and Joe both swatting at the kid, who just cackled and retreated into the kitchen.

"That's half the fun," Joe muttered, voice dripping with sarcasm. "And they say romance is dead."

Silence. They were staring at him, he was sure. Could they see he was being petty, hoping Joe's date went badly? Why couldn't Jun just move on? Why couldn't she accept that he wasn't interested?

Ken knew, though, that blaming her wasn't fair. Playing dumb was an easy fall-back, the coward's way out. He did it with ease, always wondering how people believed the leader of a crack strike team could be so entirely clueless. 

"Where's Ryu?" Joe shifted in his seat, cloth rustling. 

"He had a date." Jun's tone had lightened. 

Joe chuckled. "Good for him. Well, I gotta go. Wish me luck." 

"Good luck, Joe." 

Ken let out a non-committal grunt, definitely not adding his sentiments. He should sit Jun down tonight. He should tell her everything, so that next year, he wouldn't hear her sadness and know it was his fault.

With another elbow to Ken's side, Joe left. This year he'd do it. This year he'd tell her.

This year … 

Fuck it. Ken sighed, getting up. "Sorry, I'm not great company tonight. See you later."

Jun looked at him with concern. "If you're not feeling well …"

"I'm fine." He was just a coward. "Happy Valentine's Day, Jun."

Ken could feel her gaze on his back as he left. She deserved better than this, better than this permanent limbo, but he couldn't do it. Telling her that he was gay didn't just involve upsetting her. That was bad enough, but he knew it would be temporary, and she'd move on.

No, the problem was that she might tell Joe, who might guess the truth. If that happened, it would ruin everything. He couldn't risk that. He couldn't lose his best friend.

Joe could never know he was in love with him.

###

Ken barely made it back to the airfield before his bracelet started beeping. He nearly ignored it, but he was already on a short leash. Hakase wasn't amused by losing his bracelet at the dinosaur exhibit in Utopia, then taking off to find it against orders. 

"G-1 here," Ken answered, holding back a sigh.

"If you have no plans for tonight," said Dr. Nambu, "there's a patrol I'd like you to fly."

Like he ever had plans. Ken fought the temptation to lie and throw the man for a loop. "Just tell me what you need. I'm on it."

"Take to the air to the northwest. I'll transmit the route once you're in flight." 

"Roger." He supposed spending Valentine's with his other love wasn't so bad. Some time in the skies might do him some good.

Smiling for the first time that day, he headed out.

###

Ken hadn't planned on going out. Galactor was unusually quiet lately, and his unexpected free time let him finish projects at the airfield. Tonight, though, it was raining. He'd heard on the news that there was a rash of incidents, young women killed during rainy nights.

More than once he'd asked Hakase if they should look into it. Each time he'd been brushed off, told to enjoy the rare downtime, and let the police do their jobs. Ken was sure they were competent, but the killings continued. What could it hurt to look?

First, though, he'd drop by the Snack J. The others were probably just as on edge as he was. As it turned out, the place was practically empty. Jun, Jinpei, Joe, and Ryu were all there, and the atmosphere was moody, to say the least. 

"Aniki, how's the mail runs?" 

Ken fought back a smile. Young Jinpei was a sly one, he had to give the kid that. "Better than usual. Too bad they don't all pay up front."

He got the stink eye in response. It figured, he had so little from his dad. Maintaining what he had ate every penny he could scrape in from his ill-fated delivery service. When he took his seat, Jinpei pushed a glass of water at him. Harsh.

Temptation urged him to sit by Joe. Ken fought it, staying at the counter. Not only did he not want to give himself away, but as their commander, he tried not to play favorites. 

Of course that meant he had no idea of what Joe was reading in the paper. He sipped his water, waiting for comment.

"Jeez, it's an awful crime," said Joe. "Why women, of all people?"

Ken hid a smile behind his glass. Yup, Joe was as bored as he was, and just as annoyed with their not pitching in. 

"It sure is," sighed Jun. "Young people aren't going out at night anymore, and it's not helping my business."

Wincing, Ken wished he had some money toward his tab. Tomorrow he'd have to spend some time chasing down payments. 

"I'm actually happy about that," said Jinpei. "I can't bear it if I have to work like this all the time."

Oh boy. Ken slid a bit further down the bar. 

"If you don't want to, you can always leave," said Jun, glaring at her little brother. 

Jinpei recoiled a moment, but then straightened. "But if I do, without someone to fix dinner, you're gonna be in trouble."

Ken glanced to Joe and Ryu. Both were studiously buried in other things, but he thought he saw Joe's shoulders shaking behind the paper. If Jun heard him laughing, being halfway across the club wouldn't save him.

"I can fix dinner myself." Jun put her hands on her hips.

"But you fix only ready-made food."

Sliding further down the bar, Ken calculated the chances of being caught in projectile crossfire. He thought he caught Ryu shifting his chair as well.

"How dare you!" 

"It's pretty pathetic!"

Ken turned so they couldn't see how hard he was working not to laugh. "Stop that, you two. Be quiet. Step outside and cool your heads."

He listened with every ninja skill he head, ready to dive for cover if the two united against a common enemy. When all he heard was stunned silence, he decided this was a good point to offer an alternative objective for restless energy, "The incidents occur on rainy nights like this."

"But it's not our job," said Ryu. "We can leave it to the police."

So Ryu wasn't in. That was fine. It wasn't like he had the authorization to order everyone out. He'd feel better if he took a look around, though. At least he'd be doing something useful. Way safer than refereeing those two. 

Ken stood and turned to go. "That's true. See you."

"You can stay longer!"

He knew Jun was shooting him the sad eyes, but he really needed to _do_ something. Steeling himself for the rain, he stepped outside, trying to ignore the running feet and Jinpei yelling. Did Jinpei really expect his sister to be ladylike? She was a ninja, not a socialite. 

"It's still raining," said Jun.

Her worry was sweet, but suspect. Was she just trying to get him to stay? "I'll just go and look around the town."

Stepping outside, he did wish he had a jacket or something. It wasn't just raining, it was a deluge. 

Looking down, he spotted some kind of weed. Or was it a genuine plant? "Jun, you've planted a strange flower."

He took off before there were more protests, waving off her warning to be careful. He really needed to sit her down. Could she handle knowing without telling the others?

Maybe she could.

###

Joe shook his head. Of course Ken would beat him to it. Like they could sit around while girls were being murdered. 

Plus, the girls were all young, around their age. That could be Jun out there. Or a pretty damsel in distress, terribly grateful for timely intervention.

He heard Jun mutter something, but didn't catch it. Jinpei collected his glass and winked. "Of course not, she wouldn't do a sweet thing like planting flowers."

"Jinpei, what did you just say?" Her tone promised imminent violence.

"Nothing!"

Yeah, Ken definitely had the right idea. It might be raining outside, but thunderclouds were looming inside. Joe stood. "I'll go and look around town too."

Ryu followed suit. "Then I'll go too."

Oh, _now_ Ryu wanted to work. Joe grinned, tilting his head toward the door.

"Wait, I'll go too!" Jinpei left his tray on the counter.

"Jinpei!"

K'so, Joe hurried toward the door, Ryu following. If Jun blamed them for Jinpei's leaving, their hides were both in serious trouble. 

"There's no reason for you to be so uptight." Jinpei's protest was full of righteous indignation. "We're not busy anyway. Please let me go!"

Please, that was good. Joe paused near the door.

"Who will clean up after us, then?"

"Why don't you do it yourself sometimes? The way you are, no one will have you as a bride."

Shimatta. Joe popped him upside the head for endangering them all, then took off into the rain. Better get as much distance as he could. He had to say one thing for Ken's hesitance, it might — just _might_ — have something to do with seeing Jun on the rampage. 

Picturing Jun smacking Ken for every little thing, though, made his efforts to get them together so damn worth it. Seeing Mr. Strategy lovestruck plus perpetually confused at what he did wrong, all at once, would be worth charging admission.

###

Ken was soaked through by the time he got the summons. Luckily, a quick transmutation to birdstyle and back dried him out. Hakase wouldn't be amused by wet trails to and through his office.

As he arrived, he saw Jun had beat him there. She looked shaken. He approached with concern. "What happened?" 

Jun shrugged with a shy smile. "Easier to explain to everyone at once. Hakase's examining samples."

"Samples?" 

She just shrugged again, so Ken took a seat at the end of the couch. If nothing else, he could gauge how upset she was by whether she tried to sit by him. When she didn't, he decided it couldn't have been too bad.

Once the others filed in, Ken tried not to be distracted when Joe sat next to him. Not that they were really sitting close. Joe had his usual invisible walls firmly in place, smack in the middle of the couch, arms and legs both crossed. 

Since Jun had mentioned samples, he wasn't surprised when Hakase arrived with a projector, closing the curtains. Their mentor put up a slide and they all stared. Ken had no idea of what he was seeing. Was it some kind of organism? A piece of bizarre modern art?

"Jun was attacked tonight," said Dr. Nambu.

Ken stiffened, and the tension in the room shot up. Glancing at Jun, he saw with some small pride that she'd collected herself, chin up in defiance. 

"She had to blow up her attacker but returned with samples," said Dr. Nambu. "This is a cell of the monster that attacked Jun. Undoubtedly, they're plants, but …"

There they'd abandoned her to search for the things, and she'd found them on her own. Ken winced. "Jeez, we really weren't thinking. Jun's a woman too. We didn't need to bother patrolling."

Joe shot him a look, but he ignored it. 

"I bet the four of you used that as a convenient excuse to get out and play somewhere," Jun snapped.

Ken supposed they deserved that. 

"Jeez, you're so untrusting," said Jinpei. "We actually did patrol in the rain."

Hakase changed slides. Ken blinked. Was that a crayon drawing? 

 Jinpei stared. "What the heck is this?"

"It's a picture of the monster that Jun drew," said Dr. Nambu.

"Tut! What a bad picture," snickered Jinpei. "Is this a flower? Or an octopus?"

Ken considered having a talk with the kid about tact. It didn't matter that he had a point.

"Zip it, Jinpei! So what if my drawing is lousy, huh?"

He was about to break up the impending fight, but Hakase changed slides, replacing her drawing with a more sophisticated one. Except it was just as confusing as hers. "And this is?"

"It's what we imagine an ancient plant called a Jigokiller looked like." Dr. Nambu looked at Jinpei. "Looks similar to Jun's picture, don't you think?"

Jinpei squirmed, but it was Ryu who spoke. "Jigokiller?"

"It's an insectivorous plant," said Dr. Nambu, turning on the lights, "which is said to have grown on Earth before mankind was born. Well, it ate dinosaurs, so maybe I should call it a carnivorous plant."

Dinosaurs? Ken boggled, trying to picture how large the things must be.

"I got it!" Jinpei grinned. "The reason only women are attacked is because women are as low as dinosaurs!"

Ken didn't even attempt to warn him. Jinpei deserved the smack Jun delivered. Then he turned to Hakase, still trying to think this through. "But why haven't the monstrous plants been found at the scene of the crime?"

"I'm afraid the mystery is not solved yet," said Dr. Nambu. "Or rather, even the scholars don't know much about the Jigokillers."

"That's a problem," said Ryu. "Unless it's resolved, every single girl will disappear from the Earth."

Well, that would get rid of the competition, wouldn't it? Ken struggled to keep a straight face. There was no safe way to share that joke.

"That's okay, isn't it?" said Jinpei, still going for the most tactful brother award. "It's good riddance not to have someone like Sis."

Jun let out a long-suffering sigh and rolled her eyes. Ever more practical, Ryu said, "I mean, there won't be a bride for me."

At the sound of a door sliding open, Ken turned. He saw a metallic mannequin, and Hakase watched it thoughtfully. "It's not like we can ask every woman around the world to wear something like this."

They all walked with him to look. The thing gleamed with a strange sparkle.

"What is that?" Jun looked to Dr. Nambu.

"It's a deep-sea, protective suit made to withstand any pressure. Although, we just finished the first trial version." 

Ken watched Hakase and Jun. A meaningful look passed between them, and Jun stared at the suit. Hakase meant for her to stay protected, then. At least that meant they wouldn't have to set up a rotating guard at her place.

He'd just tell Jinpei to keep an eye on her. It wasn't like Jun to do anything rash, but things happened.


	2. Chapter 2

Ken slept uneasily, dreaming of dinosaur-sized bugs and octopus-like flowers. He woke to a crazily flashing, beeping, and vibrating bracelet. "G-1 here."

"Aniki!" 

Everything after that was garbled, Jinpei wailing about something so fast that Ken couldn't follow. The horror in his voice, though, had Ken quickly dressing. "Just give me your position. I'll call the others and we'll be on our way."

By the time he reached his motorcycle, he had the others on route. Jun hadn't answered. He'd heard "onee-chan" more than once in Jinpei's frantic call. Thinking back, he got chills. Had something happened to Jun?

He shouldn't have left it up to Jinpei. They should have all camped at the club, made sure she was okay.

His worry only spiked when he found them. Joe, Jinpei, and Ryu were standing in the middle of the road, staring at Jun's bike and Jinpei's buggy. Numb, Ken got off of his motorcycle, standing with them in silence as he looked the scene over. There was no blood, no sign of giant mobile plants, no sign of anything.

"So," said Ryu, "where is that red flower from hell?"

"Well, before I woke up, it was gone," said Jinpei. He'd lost all of his usual animation, shoulders slumped.

Joe crossed his arms. "Hey, Jinpei, didn't you just dream about it?"

Ken kept looking over the scene. He wished he could agree. "No, I think what Jinpei witnessed truly happened. The way Jun's motorcycle and his sand buggy got thrown around, it's not possible without some big impact."

"Yes, that's true," said Jinpei, staring desperately at Joe. "Humongous flowers were moving about."

Ryu sighed. "Flowers don't move about, you idiot."

"But it's true! And it swallowed Sis!" Jinpei was getting more frantic.

Joe turned to him, "Can you believe it, Ken?"

"Jun did disappear for sure." Ken was glad he hadn't had breakfast. His stomach was tying itself in knots. He kept staring at the scene in front of them, looking for some clue he'd missed. 

Jinpei ran to him, grabbing his arm. "Believe me! I'm telling the truth!"

Something caught his eye. Ken pulled away, going to the base of a tree, where a small collection of flowers had taken root. There was something familiar about them. 

The others followed. As he plucked one, Joe came closer. "What's that?"

Ryu said, "I've never seen a flower like that before."

"This flower," Ken looked it over, realization dawning. "It's the same as the one I saw in front of Jun's shop."

The awful feeling started to lift. A lead. They had a lead. 

Ken handed the flower to Jinpei. "Let's get the sand buggy flipped back upright. We need to get this flower to Hakase."

They all nodded, and Joe and Ryu joined him in getting Jinpei's vehicle upright. Ken glanced to the two of them, saying quietly, "Ride back with Jinpei. He's still frantic."

Joe looked like he might argue, but settled for perching like a maniac on the back of the sand buggy. Not wanting to slow things down, Ken swallowed his objection, following on his bike. They hadn't gotten far before the back of his neck prickled. Turning, he saw a group of green-clad riders following.

Not so many that he couldn't handle them. He stopped, mind churning. 

Seeing that he'd stopped, Jinpei did too, and Joe turned. "What's wrong, Ken?"

They needed to get that sample back. Hopefully they were being tailed because the flower was important. That meant they couldn't all stop and fight. "This motorcycle just isn't running the way it should. I'd better fix it."

He knelt to "inspect" the bike. Joe would want to stay, but Ken needed him in charge of getting the sample there as fast as possible. Jinpei was a wreck, scared for his sister, so Ken wasn't sure he could keep a level head in a fight. While he was positive Ryu could, no way would the two of them fit on one motorcycle.

Plus, having three of them with the sample meant they could further split for defence if need be. Looked like he was working out his frustrations solo. "You go ahead and have that flower analyzed by Dr. Nambu, will you? I'll get there a bit later."

Usually Joe called him on his bullshit. For whatever reason, he seemed distracted, and Ken wasn't complaining. As they vanished around the bend, he glanced through a gap in the bike. Yup, the goons were still coming. 

With a grin, he hopped on his bike. Time to give them a target. He spun, riding right at them, and not one passed him to chase the buggy. Pleased, he left the road and tore across the grass. The rolling hills worked to his advantage, repeatedly breaking their line of sight, so they didn't dare slow in fear of losing him.

A tree rose ahead. Payback time. Ken made a beeline for it, dumping the bike in a ditch behind the trunk. He raised his wrist, transforming to birdstyle, and waited for them to get close.

If they'd hurt Jun, he'd never forgive himself. Should he take one for questioning? Or would doing that highlight the fact that she was missing? 

Better play it safe. For the fun of it, he started whistling a little tune. He and the others loved experimenting with little mind games. Things to throw the goons off-balance. This time he tossed off a speech, some bull about a bird with white wings rising when the powerless trembled in terror. In hindsight, it was silly. It didn't particularly scare them, but it didn't make them laugh either. He'd try something else next time.

Of course, they all pulled out guns, like that would do them any good. He let them get lined up, then shot up into the tree. From there he worked out his anger, toying with them like a cat tormenting a mouse, and finally left them dangling over the branches like rotten fruit.

Let Galactor puzzle that one out. Grinning, he changed back to his civilian clothes, then hopped on his bike. Time to see what Hakase had learned, then track Jun down. She was tough. She'd be okay. 

She had to.

###

While Hakase studied the plant, Ken took to the skies, and the others to their vehicles. Giant plants shouldn't be hard to spot, after all. If one of them had Jun, it would be weighed down, and couldn't have gone far. 

He'd been in the air for hours when his bracelet beeped. "This is Gatchaman, what is it Hakase?"

"Ken, please rush over to Monmouth Reservoir at once." 

There was something urgent about the man's tone. Chilled, Ken flew straight there, gaping at the sight of massive red, white, and green flowers as far as the eye could see. He flew low, spotting the others, and landed as close as he dared before leaping out to join them.

"As you can see," said Dr. Nambu, "every Jigokiller has moved over here."

Ryu raised a hand to block out the sun. "It looks like a sea of blood."

"What would happen to the Earth," said Jinpei, clinging to Ryu, "if they all begin eating up the girls?"

Right then there was only one girl Ken was concerned about. "Hakase, it's actually a good thing they've all gathered in one spot. Let's mow them all down."

"It's no use," said Dr. Nambu. "Even if you cut them off at the surface, their roots won't die."

Joe stepped forward. "Then what about spraying a chemical from the air? That'll do the job."

Nambu frowned. "Where do you think the Jigokillers have gathered? This is the reservoir. At least ten million people depend on the water from this place. We cannot pollute it with any chemical."

All the tension Ken had worked off was coming back. Hakase already had a solution in mind, but was letting them work through all the angles, letting them see for themselves that there was only one option. An option they wouldn't like.

"K'so," growled Joe. "Why on earth did they choose this spot to congregate?"

Ken sighed. Devious and clever. "It's just what Galactor would do. I bet they're somewhere laughing at us right now."

"Then, Hakase," said Ryu, "what can we do?"

"Burn them down."

It wasn't just the words that filled Ken with shock and dread. It was the way Hakase spoke. _This_ was the solution their mentor had come up with. As suspected, no, he didn't like it. The others stared as well, mouths open in dawning horror. 

"Since we don't know the weaknesses of the Jigokillers yet, we have no other choice." Dr. Nambu's tone was firm, brooking no argument, and Ken suddenly felt cold.

"No!" Jinpei cried. "We can't do that! Sis is still inside the flower!"

"What?"

Was that a reprieve? Hakase sounded surprised. Ken clarified, "Jinpei believes that to be the case."

"I saw the flower swallowing Sis! She's still alive! She's wearing the protective suit you built, Hakase. She's still alive, it's true!"

Ken turned, unable to watch Jinpei's pain, or the way the others were all staring at the ground. Hakase wouldn't ask this of them. He couldn't.

"But how are we to find Jun among the millions of flowers? It's almost impossible." Dr. Nambu still sounded firm on his course of action. 

Not impossible, though. That almost counted for a lot. Ken clung to it. 

"If we dawdle, they'll only multiply," insisted Dr. Nambu. 

How many more girls would die? Young women, their age, all killed by the voracious flowers. Ken crossed his arms, trying to think of anything else, something they'd missed.

"Damnit," said Ryu, sitting. "I won't do it. I can't let Jun die."

"I agree," Joe added. "Even if it's for the sake of saving ten million people, Jun is our teammate."

Ten million lives versus one. And what if the flowers multiplied past their city, overflowing Utoland itself and then the Earth. Would Jun allow that? Jun herself had slipped away to draw the flowers out, risking her life to protect others.

He was the leader. It was his duty to make the hardest decisions. Bracing himself against the cold and numb that swept back over him, he felt like he was listening to someone else speak. "All right, don't do it then, all of you. I'll take on this job."

Joe, Jinpei, and Ryu looked at him with such horror and betrayal that he almost recanted. What was he doing? He loved her like a sister, she trusted him to keep her safe. One look at Hakase's haunted expression, though, and he knew in his bones that they had no other choice. 

Ken saw the hit coming from the corner of his eye. He didn't raise a hand to defend himself, his heart breaking at the anger behind that fist. There was no pull to that punch. It hit him square in the side of the jaw, sending him flying, and he didn't try to get up.

"You call yourself human?" Joe loomed over him, daring him to fight back. "Don't you care what happens to our teammate?"

People always said Joe was cold, almost out of control. When push came to shove, though, his second family came first. There would be no coming back from this. Joe would never forgive him, let alone Jinpei and Ryu. Frankly, he didn't know if he'd forgive himself. 

Ken took his time getting up. He was the leader. Ten million lives were at stake, and millions more around the world. If this killed Jun and the others couldn't stomach his presence anymore, then that's the price he'd pay. 

None of them tried to stop him as he went to his plane. They didn't say a word as he got in, didn't try to interfere when he started the engine. Was he that much of a monster, that they'd given up? Were they wondering which of them he'd sacrifice next?

All this time he'd worried that Joe would learn his secret, but that was nothing compared to this betrayal. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't go back and face them. It was too much. Defeating Galactor demanded too much.

Fighting to see through his tears, Ken levelled out, then pressed the button that would dump his fuel. He'd fly as far as he could, spread it to as many flowers as possible. Hopefully the gasoline would burn completely away, rather than contaminating the reservoir.

Then, with a single spark, he'd be finished. 

###

Joe kept replaying it all in his head. Nothing felt real. Ken loved her. He and Jun were supposed to get married, have a dozen babies, and live happily ever after.

Nambu stood watching, rigid, but Joe wasn't sure he really saw. Neither did the others. Ryu stood slumped and defeated, Jinpei clinging to him in his fear and grief. Ten million lives. Were ten million lives worth Jun's? 

Would she ever forgive them for saying hers was worth more? Joe realized _he_ wouldn't. If it came down to it, he'd never forgive them, not if it meant letting Galactor win and destroy more families … more lives …

And it kept replaying. Joe knew, he _knew_ Ken saw him coming. Ken made no attempt to defend himself. There was something in his eyes as he got up, something chilling, and Joe tried to get a handle on that. 

It wasn't the cold certainty of Katse, who sacrificed goons like disposable pawns. As Joe watched something stream out from Ken's plane, it suddenly hit him. That was fuel. It was fuel, and Ken had no weapons onboard. In his mind's eye, he saw that look on Ken's face again, realizing what had him so freaked.

His eyes were dead. Empty. 

"Oh god … Ryu, we're launching." Joe arced his arm, activating the bracelet and his birdstyle.

"What? Why?" Ryu and Jinpei both just stared. 

Joe looked out at the lazy circle Ken was flying, getting maximum coverage with his fuel. "How the fuck do you think he plans to light it?"

Without another word, Joe launched up onto the God Phoenix. He'd fly the damn thing himself if he had to. As he muddled through the pre-flight, Ryu and Jinpei swept in, taking over. 

"You don't think he'd really …" Ryu didn't finish the sentence.

"Just get us in the air," Joe snapped. It was bad enough they might lose Jun, to lose Ken too …

He couldn't let that happen. They were barely in the air when Ryu gasped. Joe stared ahead, watching Ken's plane climb, flip, and start to fall. It wasn't too late. Please let them not be too late.

Their bracelets beeped. 

"Dr. Nambu, the preparations are complete. I will burn down the Jigokillers now."

Anyone else might have thought he sounded calm. Joe could hear the strain and defeat, any final uncertainties about Ken's intentions falling away. He raised his wrist. "We'll take on that job."

"Joe!"

At least he was listening. Joe breathed easier. "We can't watch you suffer alone silently."

"That's right," said Ryu. "As Jun's teammates, we'll finish her with our own hands."

Joe grimaced. Perhaps not the best pep talk to get Ken to land rather than crashing. "Ken, get out of the way. I'm going to blast a Bird Missile at them."

He didn't let himself think. Instead, he pushed the button, shuddering as the missile hit and flames bloomed from ground zero. 

"Sis, please say alive," Jinpei started praying. "I won't ever talk back to you. I'll do whatever you tell me to. Please stay alive, Sis!"

"Amen." Joe closed his eyes. Damn Katse for pushing them to this. Damn Katse and Galactor, and every single sympathizer and enabler. "Now bring us down to land, Ryu."

Ryu landed them near Nambu, and Joe was relieved to see Ken glide in for a perfect touchdown nearby. Their commander looked shaky, though, as he got out of the plane. They all stood, watching the fire rage, and the way Ken screamed Jun's name gave Joe chills yet again. 

This wasn't over. Not for any of them.

###

Ken felt like a ghost. He went through the motions of getting fuel, then flying his plane back home. From pre-flight to shut-down, he did everything by the book, the perfect little soldier. Then he went inside to shower off the smoke and soot.

He couldn't seem to get clean. _He_ did this. _He_ was the one who first ditched Jun, which led to her first attack. After that, _he_ left her alone with Jinpei, trusting an elite ninja to be a good, sensible little girl and stay home. 

And now they all knew. 

_"You call yourself human?"_

Joe was right. He was some kind of monster. Some slave to duty, who'd order their deaths on the off chance it would save lives. 

His shower finally grew cold, and Ken gave up. As he dried, his bracelet wouldn't stop beeping. He nearly threw it away in annoyance but then dared to hope. "G-1 here."

"Come down to the Snack J," said Joe. "Jinpei watch."

Ken swallowed. That was the last place he wanted to be, but that was his duty, right? Kill his teammates and then watch over the rest. "Roger. I'll be there soon."

He didn't hurry, but he didn't drag his heels, either. Jinpei was just a kid. If Jun was gone, he couldn't live by himself. Would they have to move him to Crescent Coral Base? Maybe he could live with Hakase, or Ryu.

Still feeling like a ghost, Ken rode his bike into the city. Like a good little soldier, he obeyed all the traffic laws, and parked in a motorcycle-approved space. Joe and Ryu were hanging out outside, leaning against the front of the building. Neither of them really looked at him as he walked past, peeking into the club.

Jinpei sat at the counter, crying. He was talking, but Ken didn't strain to hear. No doubt talking to his sister. Missing her.

Duty said he should go inside. It said he should go to Jinpei, and tell him Jun could still be alive. Why get his hopes up, though? Plus, Ken couldn't imagine that Jinpei even wanted to see him. He shut the door, glancing to the others, who stared back with sullen expressions.

"All right," said Ryu. "Let me try comforting him."

"Leave him alone," said Joe. "It's better to leave him alone for now."

Ryu frowned. "But look, Jinpei loves Jun as if she was his real sister."

"If he's sad, he should hate Galactor," snapped Joe. "The hatred can help him forget his sadness. Just like I did …"

Ken shuddered. That wasn't what he wanted for Jinpei. Was that what Joe was doing now? Adding another level to his hate, more fuel for his revenge?

Huffing as Joe left, Ryu said, "There are times I don't understand him."

Soon Ryu would turn to _him_ for help or insight. Ken had nothing to offer, nothing but doubt and self-recrimination. Had he been wrong? Should he have pushed Hakase to wait a few hours, give time to search among the plants?

He didn't realize he'd spoken his doubts aloud until Ryu came up behind him. 

"Ken …"

Now that the words were out, he couldn't seem to hold them back. "We should've looked for Jun, no matter what."

"But it couldn't have been helped, Ken. We had no choice." 

Ryu was trying so hard. Logically, Ken understood that, but rage at his helplessness battered at his enforced calm. 

Justice. Half his speeches to Galactor goons went on about justice. "Where's the justice when someone was left to die?" 

Ken couldn't stop the words from tumbling out, practically shaking from the force of his emotions. "I absolutely can't stand the Kagaku Ninja Tai anymore."

"What are you saying, Ken? Are you serious?" 

The horror in Ryu's face almost matched his expression when Ken agreed to burn the flowers. Still, Ken couldn't stop the words. "If I wasn't a member of the Kagaku Ninja Tai, I would have saved Jun, no matter what it took."

She was his friend. His sister. She deserved that. Where was _her_ justice? Where was the person she'd put her faith in, the commander who should've done everything in his power to help her?

Ryu wasn't convinced, though. "Even if you had to desert ten million people?"

Something inside Ken snapped. "We're not the only ones to help the citizens. Police … the ISO … Why are _we_ the only ones who suffer? Why are _we_ the only ones who must sacrifice our teammate?"

He was making no sense. He knew that. The UN and other forces constantly lost people at the hands of Galactor, brave people who threw themselves at an enemy far too strong for him to handle. They sacrificed every day.

"Ken," said Ryu, stepping back, "you're under too much strain."

Yes, and he was falling apart. Inside he could feel himself crumbling, his heart twisting in on itself and devouring him. Some leader he was. Hakase made the wrong choice. "Jinpei and Jun, orphans together, lived side-by-side like a family. Despite that, I …"

Ken couldn't bring himself to finish the statement, but they both knew what he'd say. He killed her. Even if he didn't press the button, he killed her.

More pain was threatened to rush its way out. Ken turned and left, not wanting to visit more of it on Ryu, who was working so hard to hold them together. He didn't go to his bike. He just walked, fading, feeling more and more like a ghost. 

Really, he should have crashed the plane. Soon there'd be nothing left of him anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

Joe couldn't stand it. Not all that pain, right at the surface. He headed straight for the track, needing to find that place where he, the car, and speed all became one. Only in _that_ place could he really forget. 

He did the right thing. That much he knew. Jun would have wanted it, both to save innocent women, and to stop Ken. But damn, doing the right thing felt like shit. 

As he reached the track, Joe took to the oval. There he pushed the civilian G-2. Every time he flashed back to pushing the button, he took it that much faster. When he again saw that dead look in Ken's eyes, Joe pressed the accelerator down further. Remembering Jinpei's tears drove him to the limit, driving until every single synapse was focused purely on the track. 

By the time his bracelet started to flash he felt a bit more human. Not great, but less like he might tear someone apart just for looking at him cross-eyed. Hoping for news, he met up with the others outside Nambu's office. Given the funeral dirge atmosphere, he tossed his hopes out the window.

Nambu started explaining what he'd learned about the Jigokillers. He talked like nothing had gone wrong, like Jun might walk through the door at any moment. Against that backdrop, Joe didn't hear a word, trying to understand if their mentor and second father really gave a damn at all. Didn't he care that Jun might be dead? Hadn't he noticed that Ken tried to kill himself right in front of them?

For that matter, Ryu and Jinpei were so focused on Jun that they hadn't absorbed it either. Why was _he_ the only one with one foot in reality? He wasn't good with this shit. It was freaking him out.

Ryu snapped Joe back to the present. 

"But weren't the Jigokillers annihilated by our incineration plan the other day?"

Joe tensed. If they weren't … he didn't dare glance at Ken. "Yeah, ever since, I haven't heard of any damage done by a Jigokiller."

"You're wrong." 

As soon as the words came out of Nambu's mouth, Joe felt sick. 

"Jigokillers are still thriving. That strategy only stopped them from continuing to multiply, I believe."

Joe was seriously ready to throw shit. Ken nearly committed suicide, and _he_ pressed the fucking button, just to buy time? They might have killed Jun just to _buy time_?

"If … If the Jigokillers are still alive," said Ken, turning a stark white, "what have we sacrificed Jun for?"

Somehow, Nambu remained oblivious. "Do you still believe Jun was inside a flower?"

Joe wanted to scream. He wanted to grab Nambu's jacket until he woke the fuck up. How did he not see what this was doing to them?

Ken turned and left, just like that. Jinpei followed. Afraid he'd lose it completely, Joe did the same. Poor Ryu was left holding the bag. Joe left him to it, not even trying to listen as he followed the others out. 

This was really bad. Had he done the right thing? Yes, it stopped the attacks for a bit, but was a temporary lull worth a teammate's life?

Stopping Ken from killing himself, yes. But just on the face of it …

Joe returned to his car, slumping forward onto the wheel. She _had_ to be alive. Otherwise, it was all for nothing.

###

Ken returned to the airfield. He considered going flying, but now even that thought couldn't cheer him. It was the fuel from his beloved plane that stoked the fire. Why hadn't he stuck with his original plan?

Time blurred. The next day, he wasn't surprised to hear Nambu calling. That didn't mean he had to answer. He sat with his feet on the desk, ignoring the summons, and eventually tossed his bracelet aside. They were supposed to be the heroes in this war. The champions of justice. What a laugh.

He did answer another call of duty, but not to be a good little soldier. Going to the Snack J was for family, for Jinpei. As he sat at the bar to keep the kid company, the news focused on the Jigokillers overrunning Willy City's sewers. 

It wasn't long before he was ready to put a fist through the TV. "Shut it off." 

Jinpei did. They sat in silence until Joe and Ryu arrived. 

"Ken," said Joe, leaning against the open door, "what's wrong? I heard you didn't respond to Dr. Nambu's call."

Of all people, why was Joe the one busting his chops? Didn't Joe understand? "I know what he wants. He wants us to fly to Willy City. If you want, you guys can go, but I won't."

Ryu stepped up to the bar. "You're the leader of the Kagaku Ninja Tai."

_"You call yourself human?"_

"I'm a human too," Ken snapped. "I've had enough of things like killing friends with my own hands!"

It felt fucking good to smash the bottle and glass. Some absurd part of him wanted to tell Jun to put it on his tab, but she had to come back for that, didn't she? When everyone just stood there in shocked silence, he got up and left. Jinpei wasn't alone now. _They_ could keep him company. While they were at it, they could play the good little soldiers for Hakase.

From there, he went for a drive. One of them, probably Joe, would drop by the airfield. He'd never get any space, no room to breathe. How was he an orphan with no room to breathe? 

God, he wanted to get falling down drunk, but not while he was such a train wreck. He'd make some humiliating phone call to Joe. Or worse, go to his place to confess in person, and get a broken jaw and a former best friend for his trouble.

By dark he was too tired to avoid people. Crossing his fingers, he headed home. Nobody. Good. He went to do his usual check on his plane and froze, spotting a figure in the shadows. 

Ken almost hoped they were up to no good. He wouldn't mind beating the shit out of someone. "Who are you?"

The clouds moved, moonlight revealing a familiar figure in red, white, and black. "Red Impulse …"

As the man smiled, Ken realized there could only be one reason for his appearance. It wasn't like the man was supposed to know his identity. Hakase must have called him. 

Bastard. Shoving his hands into his pockets, Ken turned to go inside.

"Coward."

Ken stopped, unable to believe his ears. 

"Science Ninja Team? Gatchaman? To hell with that!"

It figured. The guy was just there to kick him while he was down. "Leave me alone. A stranger like you can never understand how I feel."

"Of course, I can't understand," said Red Impulse. "I'm a man. I'm not a spineless sissy like you."

"How dare you," Ken snarled, turning.  

"Then you still have enough will power to get angry."

That smug son of a bitch. He'd killed his own fucking teammate. He'd been willing to light the fire with his own goddamn life. How was that for willpower? 

Ken surged forward, grabbing the man's jacket. He could already picture the bastard bleeding on the ground, except _he_ was the one swept off his feet, thrown and punched so fast he didn't see it coming. Flipping to his feet earned him a kick to the head. When he didn't get up, Red Impulse lifted him, just to punch him some more.

What the hell was wrong with this guy? The next time Red Impulse grabbed for him, Ken flipped him away, but the beat-down just continued. He was finally thrown into his own goddamn plane, hitting the props. They spun as he slid down.

"Why do you brood over allowing one of your teammates to die?" snapped Red Impulse. "I've been forced to allow many of my friends and subordinates to die. There are times when that can't be helped. You can't protect the Earth from Galactor without getting your hands dirty."

Ken didn't get up. How could Red Impulse possibly understand? They weren't just a team, they were a family, and it was all for nothing. Her death was for nothing.

"It's not like Jun is dead for sure," Red Impulse continued. "Why don't you verify it? If she's dead, why don't you salvage her bones? If she's alive, she must be in trouble and can't even get in touch. You should search and leave no stone unturned. That's what a teammate would do."

Because he was afraid. If he searched the burnt out field and her bones were there, he'd know she was never coming back. That he killed her. 

Without getting up, he turned away, not wanting to give the man the satisfaction of seeing his tears. Then Red Impulse just walked away. For once, Ken wasn't tempted to follow him. 

Why wouldn't people just leave him alone? He went inside, planning to crash. A flash from his bracelet grabbed his attention. There it was on his desk, a Bird Scramble blinking on and off. 

Ken felt almost giddy. "Jun, respond! It's me! It's Ken!"

K'so, he sounded like an idiot, but who cared? Jun was alive!

###

Joe considered taking another drive by Ken's when his bracelet started flashing. He stared at it, not daring to believe, but then it stopped.

Disappointed filled him. He must be seeing things, but then his bracelet started blinking. 

"G-2 did you see that? _Please_ tell me you saw that." Ken sounded almost frantic.

A moment later, he got the same call from Jinpei and Ryu. It was an absurd free-for-all, and all Joe could do was laugh, because only Jun could have sent that signal. She was alive. Halle-fucking-lujah. 

When Ken ordered them to converge on Nambu's office, Joe didn't hesitate. He was halfway there before he realized he'd forgotten to close the door to his trailer. That just got another laugh. Like he kept anything worth stealing there.

By tradition they waited until all four of them arrived. Ryu and Jinpei shot looks at him. It took Joe a moment to realize Ken looked like he'd been in a brawl. He held up his hands helplessly. Not his fault he wasn't invited.

They headed inside, and Ken marched up to Nambu with his back ramrod straight. Sure, Joe always suspected he achieved that by putting a stick up his ass, but today he could be forgiven. He was himself again.

"Hakase, we received a Bird Scramble." Ken had that earnest Eagle Scout thing going, just daring Nambu to argue.

"What? A Bird Scramble?"

"Yes! I'm not the only one who noticed it," said Ken, sounding a little defensive. "It reached Joe, Ryu, and Jinpei too."

Why Nambu felt the need to remind them of how the Bird Scramble worked, Joe wasn't sure. Maybe he was stalling for time while he pondered what happened. 

"This could be a trap," Nambu concluded.

Ken stiffened. "A trap?" 

Joe understood why Ken didn't want to consider that possibility. Though, it would at least mean Galactor had her bracelet, and probably her as well. She'd still be alive.

"This is only speculation," said Nambu, "but it could be launched if Galactor got hold of the bracelet and hit it without knowing how it worked."

As far as Joe was concerned, if they had the bracelet, they had Jun. No contest.

"Even if it's a trap," said Ken, "please let us go, Hakase. Right now, we have to do it, otherwise …"

The staring contest began. Joe was pretty damn sure they were going regardless. He didn't see Ken obeying if Nambu told them to stand down. 

Fortunately, their mentor had some common sense. "All right, Kagaku Ninja Tai gather! Launch the God Phoenix!"

Joe cheered under his breath. Best fucking thing he'd heard all day. They'd have Jun back and everything would be right again.

###

Ken finally felt alive. Sore, but alive. His enthusiasm was quickly dampened when they reached Willy City. The place was like a horror movie. Destruction everywhere, the city torn apart by plants, then scorched by the need to burn them. Of course, the burning just spread them farther.

Once there, there was nothing to do but wait. As much as Ken wished they'd come sooner, he knew there was nothing they could have done. The UN troops had more manpower. They could burn the plants far more efficiently. 

They chose a building to wait in, one that would let them watch the ground for hints of Galactor. As they watched, Jinpei sighed. "Jeeze, I can't bear to watch. They're destroying their city with their own hands."

"That's what Galactor wants," said Joe. "They're destroying the city without lifting their fingers."

It was odd, though, Ken had to admit. "This case, where Galactor doesn't show up openly, _is_ unusual."

"Ken," said Ryu, "What are we going to do now?"

Ken looked out over the destruction. They'd do they did best, of course. "Let's leave the Jigokillers alone. We'll search for their base."

Joe stared pensively out the window. "But where do we look?" 

It seemed odd that the Jigokillers had clustered in one city again, even though their spores rode on the wind. Would Galactor target a city where they had a base? Ken was grasping at straws, but without an obvious Galactor presence, straws were all he had.

"It's located somewhere in this city," said Ken, forcing a sense of conviction he didn't feel. "I'm sure of it. We'll find it, leaving no stone unturned. I'm sure Jun will contact us too."

If she didn't, they'd just have to keep looking.

###

Joe thought they'd never get moving. Everywhere they went it was the same story. The plants had infested everything: on the ground, inside buildings, on top of them, beneath them. 

Since the UN forces were pummeling the city, and Galactor like rats and cockroaches liked to avoid the light, they started underground. Even there, the destruction was awe-inspiring. They stood at the entrance to a tunnel, where subway cars lay smashed and shattered among the lethal foliage.

"Wow," said Jinpei, "this was a subway before."

Master of the obvious, that kid. 

Ken frowned. "Even though people worked hard to build it, it was so easy to destroy." 

Like everything Galactor touched. Joe nursed his hate and bitterness like a blade as they worked their way up and down, alternating for the best chance to catch Jun's signal. When they reached the airport, Jinpei wavered on his feet. Ken signaled that they should take a break. Joe decided not to argue. He didn't want to carry the kid.

Jinpei and Ryu sat right next to one of the plants. Looking up, Jinpei said, "Although I know it won't do anything to guys, it doesn't feel good to be around them."

Trying not to think about what it must have been like for Jun, Joe turned to Ken. "Do you really think Jun will contact us?"

"Yeah …"

Their fearless leader's tired tone didn't inspire confidence. Joe didn't want to push him hard enough to set him off, but he needed to know Ken was firing on all cylinders. "What if it's a trap like Hakase said?"

Ken leaned back against the cracked glass, pulling his cape in closer. "Jun's alive. If it was a Galactor trap, they would have started something by now."

He had a point. Still, Joe would be extra vigilant, just in case. 

###

Ken was on the verge of losing hope when his bracelet began flashing. "There! It's a Bird Scramble! Joe!"

His second grinned. "It's time to act, Ken."

"Sis!" Jinpei stared at his bracelet like he was afraid to believe it. 

Jumping to his feet, Ken said, "All right, let's return to the God Phoenix. Kagaku Ninja Tai, move out!"

By the time they responded with a chorus of "Roger" he was already in the air, the others following. This time the signal continued, following them to the God Phoenix, and allowing Joe to track it on the scanners. 

"Ken, it's close. Northeast, four kilometers!"

That was nothing. "Good! Ryu, go right in!"

Ken didn't have to tell their pilot twice. Ryu flew them like a demon, and Ken desperately prayed for Jun to hang on. They were coming.

"The sewer!" Joe pointed to the city infrastructure map loaded into the scanners. "They're hiding inside the sewer!"

How appropriate. Ken gave no instructions, letting Joe guide and Ryu push the Phoenix as only he could. The big guy punched their nose right into the runoff tunnels, pushing half the ship inside to reveal a massive Galactor base.

Ken didn't even try to tell Ryu to stay inside. The moment the God Phoenix stopped, they were all in the bubble, grinning like maniacs as they heard the base captain yelling, "Who the hell?"

"We finally found you, Galactor," called Ken, looking over the scene for signs of Jun. "This is the Kagaku Ninja Tai." 

"Gatchaman!" 

The slight quiver of fear in the captain's voice sparked raw pleasure. Ken launched, hearing the others join him. "Let's go!" 

As they struck, he saw the heavy equipment holding Jun. With a signal to Ryu, he sent the big guy to get her out, then joined Joe and Jinpei in inflicting serious pain. His blood sang with battle and vengeance as they tore the goons to shreds. Hearing Jun yell "Bird, go!" filled him with a sense of completion.

They were whole. His team was here, all alive, all whole. 

Jun attacked them with such force that it was obvious she was all right. With that, Ken let the last of his self-control burn away. 

Where the hell was Katse? Cornering the base captain, he snarled, "And what do we find causing trouble? Just a small fish."

"How dare you!"

Ken nailed him in the stomach, just standing and watching as the man groaned and slid down the wall. Then it was suddenly quiet. He turned to find the team behind him, and Jun staring at him with eyes full of promise.

He wanted to grab her and hold her forever. She was alive, his sister was alive, but if he celebrated that way, he knew she'd take it as encouragement. Now that he had her back, the last thing he wanted was to hurt her again.

Except that's what he needed to do. He realized with a sick certainty that if he wasn't going to flat out tell her he was gay, _this_ was his chance. What he did next could make it perfectly clear he wasn't the guy she wanted. 

"Ken!" Her eyes were wide and trusting, the depth of her feelings plain to see.

He was such a coward. She deserved the truth. Instead, he hauled off and slapped her. 

With an expression of utter shock, she raised a hand to her cheek, looking away. Unable to bear the sight, he closed his eyes. "You acted without leave."

All he could hope was that she heard him. It was time for her girlish crush to die. If she decided to hate him, he could live with that. As long as she was alive and okay, as long as she moved on and found someone worthy of her, that's all he could ask.

"Aniki isn't honest with how he feels, is he?" huffed Jinpei. "If he's happy, why can't he embrace her instead?"

Ken turned away, swallowing a brittle laugh. Jinpei had no idea. 

"You're getting a little carried away there," said Ryu. 

He was. And he was in danger of ruining what Ken was trying to do. Before things could get out of hand, he tapped his bracelet to report in.

"This is Nambu. Is it you, Ken?"

"Hakase, we've rescued Jun." Damn that felt good to say.

"Is that right? That's good. Ken, on my end, I found a method to annihilate the Jigokillers."

Ken breathed a sigh of relief. 

"It was simple. The reason Jigokillers don't attack men is because, inside men's bodies, there is something that poisons them."

"Huh?" Jinpei looked alarmed. "Poison inside our bodies?"

At least he wasn't obsessing over mushy sentiment anymore. 

"It's the chromosomes. Listen, females have two X chromosomes, while men have X and Y chromosomes. Jigokillers need X chromosomes, but they react abnormally to Y chromosomes, which men alone have."

That sounded strange. If Jigokillers existed before mankind, did dinosaurs have X chromosomes? Ken decided it was safer not to ask. Hakase would spend the next hour explaining, if he did.

"I have borrowed a large quantity of Y chromosomes from the Chromosome Research Center and built a special bomb. Just now, Red Impulse took off toward where you are. It's just a matter of time before the Jigokillers perish."

Ken tried to imagine how many Y chromosomes would be needed to create a bomb. He quickly gave up. As long as the Jigokillers were really gone, he didn't care how it happened.

He did shudder at hearing Red Impulse was coming, though. His whole body still hurt. That guy was supposed to be their friend?

They worked their way back toward the surface. The bombs fell with the next rain, and Jigokillers everywhere started thrashing and dissolving. It was gross, like something out of a horror movie, but it was the best thing he'd ever seen outside of finding Jun alive.

He found himself stating the obvious just in celebration. "Look, the Jigokillers are rapidly dying off." 

"If only we'd found the solution sooner," sighed Jun. "This city could have been saved from destruction."

She was standing close, next to him. He really hoped that didn't mean she hadn't gotten his message.

"The water color's changing," said Ryu. "It's the end of the Jigokillers."

"There's the Red Impulse Squad!" Jinpei pointed.

Ken looked up, watching those iconic red, white, and black planes pass overhead. How had Red Impulse beaten him so soundly? "I can't help feeling that, somehow, he's not just a stranger to me."

"Did something happen?" 

The way Joe looked at him, Ken caught the immediate suspicion. No one had asked about his bruises. He supposed there was no point in lying. "Well, I was just clobbered."

Joe's eyes narrowed. Frankly, Ken was hoping it was his state of mind that made Red Impulse's job so easy. Next time, he'd do better. Next time, there were a lot of things he'd do better.


	4. Epilogue

Joe sat in the Snack J, still stunned. Of all of the ways he thought Ken would react to finding Jun, slapping her hadn't even rated the list. Sure, if _he'd_ run out and nearly gotten himself killed, Ken would have punched the hell out of him. No problem there. But Jun?

And the weird didn't stop there. Jun was working behind the bar, cleaning glasses, and humming with a little smile. The same little smile she'd had all day, even though Ken had taken off.

It was driving him crazy. Had they both lost their minds? "So, uh, they have good drugs there at Galactor?"

Jun giggled. An all out, flushing giggle. 

Had to be drugs. Really, really good drugs.

"Do you know what the opposite of love is, Joe?" She put away the glass she'd been drying.

Was that a trick question? "Hate."

"No," she said, picking up the next. "It's indifference. Indifference is the opposite of love. And hate, for that matter."

Joe wasn't so sure. However, he'd learned long ago that female logic wasn't quite the same as male logic. At some point she'd attempt to enlighten him. He'd probably stay just as confused, and would probably leave feeling disturbed.

From the dreamy smile on her face, he adjusted that assumption. He was definitely leaving disturbed. Probably to the point of hiding in his trailer with nothing but beer for company.

"He was so upset," said Jun with a grin. "I could see him desperately trying to contain it."

That much was true. "Still, he _hit_ you."

"He'd have decked you," she chuckled. "It was just a little slap."

Joe grimaced. Ken was his best friend, but hitting a girl outside of training, or life and death situations? 

"It's okay, Joe." Her voice softened as she leaned against the bar. "Jinpei told me what Ken was like. He's usually all business, and Jinpei said he was a mess. I think he really didn't know what to do with himself."

"That doesn't make it okay." Joe shot her a pointed look.

"I know." She shrugged, then picked up another glass. "Just this once, I'll give him a pass. I know it sounds crazy, but that slap was the closest Ken has ever come to admitting feelings for me."

"And if he does it again?"

Jun lifted her chin, giving the cloth in the glass a nasty twist. "Don't think I'll call you to deal with it. I'll geld him myself." 

"There's a good girl," Joe grinned. Then he ducked behind the bar, barely evading the towel flying at his head.

"Watch it, Asakura. I know where you sleep." 

That she did. Come to think of it, the door to his trailer was probably still open. Staying behind his cover, Joe dug in his pockets, then slid his money onto the bar. "I better go make sure I still have a bed."

"Another girlfriend trying to kill you?" Jun giggled.

"Har har." He slunk toward the door, only coming out from behind his cover when he had to. Before he could reach the door, a cold, wet towel nailed him in the back of the neck. 

"K'so!" Man that felt nasty. Joe grabbed it and whipped it toward Jun, but she jumped out of the way, just in time for it to hit Jinpei square in the face.

"Hey!!!" 

Laughing, Joe bolted. It was good to have his second family back and happy. Every single one of them. 

Even Jinpei.

###

Ken paused beside the Snack J's front windows, not quite ready to go in, even though he'd waited a couple of days to let things settle. Inside, he saw Jinpei and Ryu, talking and laughing with Jun. She looked tired but somehow radiant. 

Had she finally moved on? Crossing his fingers, he moved toward the door. The sight of Joe stopped him. His second sat his customary few seats down from the others. Even he was smiling. 

Jun glanced toward the door, and Ken froze, remaining hidden. K'so, he knew that look of hope and longing. Why the hell was _he_ the one with the rep for being clueless? Between her and Joe, there weren't enough clue-by-fours in the world to set everything straight.

How could she still watch for him like that? Had hitting her made things worse?

He gripped the doorframe, waiting for her attention to shift elsewhere. Then he hurried back to his car, desperately needing to put space between him and the disaster that was his personal life. What the hell was wrong with Jun? She was a modern woman. Why hadn't she kicked his ass and told him to get lost? Why the fuck was she mooning and waiting for him to show up?

Why the fuck did she want someone who tried to kill her?

_"You call yourself human?"_

The logical part of Ken's mind took note of his elevated pulse, his clammy hands, and the terrible pressure in his chest and suggested he was getting hysterical. K'so, he'd thought he was over this. 

After making sure the windows were fully closed, he let out a scream of frustration. While the action left him drained, it also calmed him enough to drive, so he didn't hesitate. Otherwise, one of the others was bound to come out and see him parked by the club.

As he drove, his logical self considered ordering a psych eval for Jun. Maybe she was absorbing too much of the violence in their lives. Did she think love included getting knocked around?

Problem was, there was no way to do that without telling Hakase exactly what happened, including his reasoning. That confession could backfire spectacularly. Hakase had let him keep his orientation a secret thanks to a simple promise. It wouldn't affect the team. Smacking his third after she'd endured a harrowing ordeal, just to convince her to move on, shattered that promise all to hell. 

Not to mention he was a total fucking hypocrite. Being the leader of the Kagaku Ninja Tai meant being a master of self-assessment. Jun might have a stubborn crush, but he was about one bad day from a total nervous breakdown. Some great fucking leader.

Ken turned on the radio, blasting it in hopes of escaping the hornet's nest of stinging thoughts. Instead, he kept seeing the hurt and rage in Joe's eyes when he'd agreed to torch the field. 

Long ago, he'd made himself give up on any fantasy that Joe might return his feelings. Or, at least he thought he had. Now part of him grieved, sure he'd napalmed any minute possibility. Who the hell wanted a monster? 

Well, apparently Jun. 

Ken let out a bitter laugh, then tried to concentrate on the music. For a little while it helped, just drifting and listening, until the lyrics of the current song started sucking him in.

 

_You say you feel so down_

_Every time I turn around_

_And you say you should've been gone by now._

 

_And you, you think that everything's wrong_

_You ask me how to carry on_

_We'll make it through another day, just hold on._

 

_Cause life starts now._

_You've done all the things that could kill you somehow_

_And you're so far down_

_But you will survive it somehow_

_because life starts now._

 

He realized he was shaking. Though he was almost home, Ken pulled over, suddenly not trusting himself. Shimatta, were songwriters spying on him now? 

 

_I hate to see you fall down_

_I'll pick you up off of the ground_

_I've watched the weight of your world come down._

 

_And now it's your, your chance to move on_

_Change the way you've lived for so long_

_You find the strength you've had inside all along._

 

_Cause life starts now._

_You've done all the things that could kill you somehow_

_and you're so far down_

_But you will survive it somehow_

_because life starts now._

 

Change? Move on? Ken laughed again. He'd tried. Oh how he'd tried. With little time for a social life that would let him meet people naturally, he'd gone to a few gay clubs. Except every time a guy approached, Ken had found himself comparing them against Joe, and finding them wanting. That or the guys he met weren't content with a little making out. They wanted to rush straight to sex, though "straight" was a word he found difficult to use without irony.

 

_All this pain_

_Take this life and make it yours._

_All this hate_

_Take your heart and let it love again._

_You will survive it somehow._

 

_Life starts now._

_You've done all the things that could kill you somehow_

_and you're so far down_

_Life starts now_

_You've done all the things that could kill you somehow_

_and you're so far down_

_Life starts now._

 

Was the song telling him to stop being a coward? He should sit Jun down and explain that he was gay. She might smack him a good one, but once she believed him she'd move on, or he hoped so anyway. Just the thought of confessing to her, though, gave him the usual cold sweats. Jinpei would want to know why she'd given up on her old crush. What would she tell him? Joe would keep pushing them together. How would Jun tell him to stop? While others might expect Ryu to be oblivious, Ken was aware that unassuming Ryu saw more than anyone realized.

He might even know already. Or suspect. 

Would it be so bad if they all knew? Knowing the team, once they got over the shock they'd start teasing him, asking him if he was dating, if he was interested in anyone. Right now he got away with just dodging pointed comments. If they started prying, he'd have to outright lie.

Because if Joe so much as suspected the truth …

_"You call yourself human?"_

Ken felt tears running down his cheeks. He swiped at them, cursing under his breath. Throw him up against a platoon of Galactor goons, toss him inside a mech teaming with traps, even order him to torch a field where his own teammate might very well die, and he'd do what had to be done. Somehow Gatchaman was a monster and a coward at the same time.

But there were people depending on him. Hakase, his team, the whole fucking world …

Resting his forehead on the steering wheel, Ken gave in and cried himself out. Afterwards, he popped the gear out of park and finished the drive toward home. He had to find his center. This stupid self-hate and self-pity had to stop.

 

_You've done all the things that could kill you somehow_

_and you're so far down_

_But you will survive it somehow_

_because life starts now._

 

The song was uncanny, but there was one thing it had wrong. He hadn't done _all_ of the things that could kill him, yet. No, he had the bad feeling that this war was far from over. 

He just had to figure out how to pull himself together and survive it.


End file.
